According to ESPN, next week LeBron James will make his long-awaited announcement on which Miami dry cleaner he’ll be using, and the announcement will be broadcast on the network’s international service. The show will be seen live in Canada, the United Kingdom, Europe, Australia, Africa, the Middle East and Israel.

Several Miami-area dry cleaners have been courting the mega star after he announced that he would be moving to Miami from Cleveland to play next season for the Miami Heat. One of the cleaners reportedly took James and his family aboard his 18-foot bass boat on Lake Okeechobee in an attempt to win him over.

ESPN’s Stuart Scott will host “The Decision” from a laundromat located on the south side of the city. He will be joined by NBA analysts Michael Wilbon and Jon Barry.

Several of the dry-cleaner owners in the area have said they have tried to make the differences on their locations clear to the star. “I tell him exactly what I tell everybody, which is, ‘In by 10 out by 5, we keep your stays right on the money and that ain’t no jibe,’” said Lu Chuan, owner of Free Press Cleaners.

With money spigots running dry all around, Congress on Friday resorted to desperate measures when it began contemplating a bill that would borrow from the 2070 school-lunch program.

“As it stands, with technology moving the way it is, people may not even need to eat during the middle of the day in 60 years,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Senator Ried continued, “While we may be putting those folks who will be children in this country 60 years from now in a bit of a pickle when they go to the school cafeterias, we’ll all be long gone when that happens, so why worry about it?”

Since the economic downturn in 2007, the federal government has seen the national debt skyrocket and is now working on reducing an annual deficit that is surging out of control.

“We’re looking at ways to leverage our future, and in some cases that’s going to mean borrowing a few bucks here and there from future inhabitants of our country.” Asked if he thought they’d mind, Reid answered, “That’s hard to say because we can’t ask them. But if I could, I would. Trust me.”