I emerged from the bowels of the Veterans Memorial Coliseum fairly concerned about my own innards. The good folks at the Arizona State Fair had prepared a backroom spread of mostly fried foodstuffs for me to preview specifically and exclusively for Times readers. And try them I did—all 13, plus 16 flavors of gelato and two blue-ribbon pies.
My commitment to gluttony—in the true spirit of the fair—impressed even the concessionaires, who watched in fascination as I chugged through an obstacle course of sticks, grease, dough, sugar and plastic forks, like a fleshy, giggling lawnmower.
And guess what? Most of these munchies were goooood. Granted, I didn’t feel too good afterward, but “moderation” and “state fair” are two concepts that swore a blood feud against one another long ago. This is because the fairgrounds lie in a magical vortex of funnel cakes and roller coasters, where calories have not been invented and people are by and large okay with the prospect of losing their lunch before the day is out—which makes sense if you think about it.
Of course, fair fare has come a long way in the last couple of decades. Modern midway diners wouldn’t shake a stick at old-fashioned corn dogs or pink puffs of cotton candy. Their corn-breaded delicacy is python or gator, possibly rolled in spun sugar for good measure while still hot from the fryer. The more exotic the better, at least that’s been the experience of vendor “Jungle George” Sandefur, whose menu of zoo animals and bugs has made a huge splash on the fair circuit recently.
George was busy slinging yak burgers in California during my AZ fair-food preview, so my palate remains a bear, beetle and maggot virgin, for which I am eternally grateful. But he did give me the verbal lowdown (see Q&A with “Jungle George” on page 35) on the grilled menagerie coming to Arizona in October.
Compared to George’s chocolate scorpions, Linda Pope’s deep-fried arsenal of oddities seems downright tame in comparison. Pope drove down from Prescott Valley to showcase the meatballs, cheesecake slices and other battered novelties by J & L Concessions. Confined to a tiny fryer in the coliseum staff’s break room, she did her best to replicate the quality I’d find at the fair, plunging item after item into the fryer like a machine.
At the same time, vendors Michelle Nuessle and Michelle Santilli arranged a sausage-BBQ-onion-pickle extravaganza for me, which they’d prepared offsite. The gals mostly work the Arizona show circuit, and this will be their respective 20th and eighth state fair grilling up such proteins as turkey legs and pork chops (on sticks) for the masses. Fun fact: wieners are wildly popular at gun shows.
Before I could begin tasting, the photographer had to finish shooting the dishes, which were rapidly melting, congealing and cooling. Nobody thought I could power through all of them when they were hot, let alone nearing room temperature. But I was on a mission. Here then, in my humble but correct opinion, is “A Snooty Snacker’s Guide to the AZ Fair [abridged].”
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Deep-Fried Butter
The flaky, golden little dough balls looked innocent enough, but were they hiding a repulsive interior of gooey butter? I needn’t have feared. The butter, which is frozen when the concessionaire wraps the dough around it, completely melts into the crust. Pope’s version tastes like super-garlicky, fresh-baked bread. $5. Grade: B+
Deep-Fried Cheesecake
Pry off the fluffy pancake-like coating, and you’ll find a freezer-grade wedge of softened filling, complete with crumbled graham cracker topping. It’s sort of like looking inside a geode, which is cool. This thing hates being on a stick. $5. Grade: B
Peaches & Cream
An entire fresh peach with skin is impaled on a stick, battered and fried, then drizzled with cream cheese frosting. Pope created this recipe in her Prescott Valley kitchen and believes it’s the only one of its kind on the U.S. fair circuit. Travel Channel star Andrew Zimmern—often seen munching eel testicles on Bizarre Foods—tried it and “really liked it,” Pope reports. I tried it and found the dissolving peach to be delicately flavored but frustrating to eat with a plastic fork (the stick is all show). $5. Grade: A-
Deep-Fried Lemon Bar
So much flour is in the bar, it’s a flat, doughy experience with just a hint of tang after frying. No reason to order this one unless you’re some kind of lemon bar freak. $5. Grade: D
Deep-Fried Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich
A triangle of white bread, strawberry jelly and sweetened peanut butter is encased in a pancake envelope. This is just so wrong. $5. Grade: C
Deep-Fried S’more
By the time I sank my teeth into this one, the marshmallow had congealed. Still, the flavors didn’t seem to benefit from the fryer, and it was also falling off the stick. Pope tells me this is one of her most popular offerings, which is too bad for all you sentimental Girl Scouts. $5. Grade: D
Deep-Fried Peanut Butter
Ohh, the warm, creamy, sweet and salty condiment cradled in fluffy dough is delish, and perfect on a stick. I kept coming back to this one, also an original Pope creation, new this year. She anticipates copycats aplenty if it turns out to be a moneymaker. $5 (four pops). Grade: A+
Viking Balls
You can make a meal of these pre-made spiced meatballs cloaked in Pope’s soft, curry-tinged breading with whispery crisp. Normally, the serving is two giant balls rather than the smaller ones shown here, which adds to the risqué fun. $6.75. Grade: B+
Spicy Polish Sausage
The half-pound monsters are grilled and seared over an open flame then tossed with grilled onions and peppers, which are a must-add. Great spicy burn too. $7.50 Grade: A
Tri-Tip BBQ Sandwich
This is a fair favorite and no wonder—lean, with just the right amount of chewiness, and a smoky rich sauce that makes your gums almost sting and mouth hopelessly water. The Michelles shave the fat of the cuts, slow cook the meat for five hours over pecan logs, then toss in the BBQ right before serving. $8.75. Grade: A+
Gelato Spot
Until now, I’d missed out on this Valley purveyor of gelato, a crying shame. Gelato has a lower fat content than ice cream, it doesn’t coat the taste buds and the flavors just come roaring in. Every variety offered by Gelato Spot is sensational, but I had my favorites: the chocolate brownie is ridiculous and the cheesecake flavor is better than actual cheesecake. You can also choose from nondairy fruit versions, fruiter than their namesakes, which nearly had me weeping for joy. Do not miss the pineapple or the banana, and the peach, or the lemon either. That seems like a lot, but you can and should do it. Single scoop $5; two scoops $6. Grade: A+
Fairly Mistaken
People the Western world over visit the fair to have an experience. Where else can you compete for a blue ribbon, check out the musical stylings of Judas Priest, straddle a Ferris wheel, stroke a goat, then eat a bunch of junk that would normally scare the pants off you? There’s a reason that Webster’s dictionary has recognized “fairgoer” as one word since 1836.
I have to admit, though, I am not a regular fairgoer. In fact, I haven’t attended the Arizona State Fair since a terrifying musical experience there several years ago. A friend begged me to attend a “Weird Al” Yankovic concert with him. Picturing him alone at this thing was too sad, and I grudgingly agreed to tag along. There I sat, the only non-believer amid a sea of “Weird Al” acolytes who were rocking in unison, back and forth, mouthing every word to every song, faces beaming and fists beating rhythmically against their thighs. They looked like oversized nerdy children playing the spoons in slow motion, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
Now I realize I didn’t get it. This could have been a quintessential fair experience, and I rushed away without so much as daring a Tilt-a-Whirl ticket or a sip of fried cola. This year, I will be attending the fair, and I will embrace the hokey, the homespun, the offbeat and thrilling. I will eat yak, possibly without yakking, but I’m okay either way. As a wise man once said:
Just eat it, eat it ...
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn’t matter if it’s boiled or fried
Just eat it
Except maybe for
maggots.
Gators & Python & Bears, Oh My!
When we caught up with state fair vendor George Sandufur, better known as “Jungle George,” he’d spent the day in Denver getting hassled by a health inspector who refused to believe in USDA-approved python and kangaroo… until George threatened to sick the media on him. Valley fairgoers were George’s first guinea pigs when he made his debut as a provider of exotic meats three years ago (we ate something like 400 pounds of gator), and the Arizona State Fair remains one of his favorite stops.
Q
Are you a foodie?
A
A fruitie?
Q
Uh, no. I’m talking about the annoying person with a food fixation.
A
I never was much of a food connoisseur. When the rides business went downhill, I picked up food, and now that I’m here, I’m very anal about giving out restaurant-quality food, not fair food.
Q
What have you got planned for Arizona this year?
A
We’ll have alligator, python, frog legs, Rocky Mountain oysters, probably wild boar and black bear, and the Maggot Melt Sandwich. Then we’ll sell our whole line of bugs—chocolate-covered scorpions and crickets, and flavored maggots.
Q
What’s your best-selling item?
A
The whole idea of the maggots gets people going nuts, and the Maggot Melt is our most popular thing this year. It’s like a patty melt, but instead of meat, we have maggots on it. We use the full adult maggot for the sandwich because it’s bigger, and then you can get the baby maggots in barbecue, salt and vinegar or Mexican spice. They taste kind of like unsalted potato chips. I’ve eaten so many of the lately, I’m actually getting to like them.
Q
Any signature desserts to look out for?
A
Our deep-fried energy drink. It’s injected into a batter and comes out in a ball. It’s super sweet, but people go nuts over it, and yes, they get that energy buzz. We’ll also be doing the donut dog again—a hot dog encapsulated in a Dunkin’ Donut.
Q
Is anybody actually enjoying this food or are they just eating for bragging rights?
A
On the bugs, it’s probably bragging rights. On the food, at the last spot we had 20 to 30 customers that came back every day and bought different food because they liked it.
Q
Uh huh. What do you recommend for wimps?
A
Yak. It’s like sweet beef, a little on the wild side. Python goes well when I tell them it tastes like calamari. I’ve never had anybody say yuck once they try it. It’s getting past the fear factor. It’s the same thing with bugs: If you think about them as being good for you, you’ll get past it. I like the crickets, but sometimes their legs will break off and get into your teeth, and then you start thinking oh my god, there is a cricket’s leg in my teeth.
